so many pesky chores we have to do in the bathroom!
Fortunately, in the future, all that will be taken care
of for us by the power of technology! Here are some of
the features we expect to see in the coming decades.
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First, the most important part of the new system. The
Occupant Recognition System. The bathroom of the future
will be all about automation and personalization. Thus,
feature #1 will be an automatic recognition of the
person who is entering so that all of their settings can
be retrieved. Once you have this, all the other features
Automatic tooth brushing system - Instead of wasting all
that time taking your brush out of the cabinet, picking
up the toothpaste, putting it on the brush, and then
exerting yourself to rub it against your teeth, the
automatic tooth brusher will take care of everything for
you! Just stand in front of it, and - using your
favorite toothpaste flavor that is retrieved using the
Occupant Recognition System - the brusher will extend
out an arm and brush your teeth for you. Optional
features include a gentle flosser and mouthwash
Hand dryer - Sure, there are automatic hand dryers in
public restrooms, but they are loud, hot, and
impersonal. This one will use a fresh, soft fluffy
towel. Insert your hands and it will gently rub them
Water temperature - Not too hot, not too cold. The
bathroom of the future will not only have hot water
immediately available (no waiting for the cold to rush
out, or washing with cold because you're in a rush), it
will remember the exact temperature you like (using the
Occupant Recognition System) so you will never have to
adjust the faucet knobs again.
Hygiene reminders - If it's been a while since you
brushed your teeth, or if you're about to leave without
washing your hands, the system will know. Think of it
like a private, benevolent Big Brother. A polite voice
will suggest you go back and finish grooming yourself.
If you have done some really dirty deeds in the
bathroom, this part of the system will have an automatic
locking feature that can refuse to let you out until you
The toilet paper - We'll get to the toilet itself in a
minute, but the toilet paper issue is one that deserves
specific attention. Oh, how the debate rages - in
households and online - over that ever important, deep
metaphysical question: should the roll go on with the
paper coming over or under? By using the Occupant
Recognition System, the toilet paper will flip to that
person's preferred configuration. Sadly, hundreds of
internet users will now have to find other completely
unproductive ways to use their time since this debate
will be obsolete.
The Throne - perhaps the most important core feature of
tomorrow's bathroom. We're fairly certain they will have
some of these exciting new features!
-Flat panel wall mounted control system - this will be
the control center for all of the new features. It will
be operable as a touch screen or, if you're not all that
into touching things like that in a bathroom, voice
-Full library of reading material - access the internet
or read any book or magazine on that flat panel display.
-Bidet feature with personal temperature settings - pick
your water temperature from "Refreshingly Icy" to "Scald
The Germs Away"
-Automatic seat lowering system - in addition to being a
totally cool feature, we estimate this new technology
will be responsible for a forty percent drop in the
nation's divorce rate
Self Cleaning - Who wants to actually clean their fancy
futuristic bathroom? This baby will clean itself. Once
an occupant leaves, it will scrub down and polish all
the surfaces while applying industrial strength
disinfectant and a light perfumed air freshener.
Gary - just for a laugh.